You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Funny' category.
My boss recently asked one of my co-workers to look into a management class; he mentioned Dale Carnegie Course so I’m not sure which one. Then I received an email from the head honchos, owner of the company today in regard to this 5 Minute Management Course, I didn’t know what to think. The lessons have good moral, after reading this, maybe we wouldn’t have to take the Dale Carnegie Course after all.
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Rob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Rob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Rob, after a few seconds, Rob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Rob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
I came across a joke in Koosang Koosom magazine written in Thai Language by Choum, translated by yours truly, I thought it was rather strange and funny. I didn’t know if this is an Asian thing or it’s universal.
A 93 years old lady was depressed after her husband recently passed away. One day she decided to commit suicide so she could be with her beloved husband.
She thought for a long time and decided that shooting herself was the best way to go. So she took out an old rifle that belonged to him when he was in the army, and was thinking about shooting her broken heart to end her misery.
She didn’t want to make a mistake by shooting the wrong place, and if this were to happen, she might become sleeping beauty and create more work for others. So she decided to call her doctor to ask for the exact location of her heart, just to make sure.
The doctor replied, “Let just say, since you are a woman, your heart is right below your left breast. But why are you asking me this?”
She didn’t answer but hung up the phone…
In the middle of the night, an elderly lady was taken to the hospital and she was injured with a gunshot wound to her left knee!
(If this offended anyone, my sincere apology. I had a grandmother and recalled that her rack hung low, one of my friends jokingly said that his grandma’s rack could swing around her body, talking about over exaggeration.)
Okay…so I have a silly friend that sends me stuff, I like to share, here goes…
THIS IS WHAT SAD LOOKS LIKE
THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE
This is what bad spelling look like
So this is that time of the year again where I cannot afford to fill up my gas tank, and here I have a small car, might have to ride my bicycle to work. I can’t imagine what this person is paying for a full tank of gas.
Now you can see what gas prices are around the country at a glance. Areas are color coded according to their price for the average price for regular unleaded gasoline, right click to view average price, here is the Link.
….or you might like to see what the current prices are at the pumps.
Translation: Laugh Out Loud. Oh My God. What The F**k?
I wrote several posts, ‘Virgin chicken’ off the menu in Beijing; Hey, Engrish Is Not My Native Language, on Laovoices.com about Engrish, also known as Chinglish. This one is a bit odd, not knowing what to think after reading it. What is this product suppose to do for you?
What is your fortune? No, I mean what is your dog fortune. Ask me what you will…with the power of the stars, I will reveal your dog fortune!
When I came upon this article in Kwanreun Magazine written by Khunchith in Thai language, translated by yours truly, I couldn’t help but ROFL, pronounced as is (dog barking), and also rolling on the floor laughing because this has got to be the oddest profession that I’ve heard, Dog Fortune Teller.
I’m a dog lover, so I’m very familiar with our k-9, 4-legged friends, they had been in our family since I was about 6 years old, and my last one recently passed away but have not gotten a replacement for him yet. As I recall, most dogs take the personality of their owners, I knew Teddy was very hyper when I first got him, but became very calm shortly afterward, might be that he got older also, but nevertheless, he somewhat took my personality. This article suggested something that’s somewhat odd to me; it’s amusing to read.
After I wrote a post on “Over Ridiculously Priced Pair of Rainbow Sandals,” and one of my co-workers washes her sandals in the dishwasher with her dishes, it’s been bothering me since, and a bit paranoid of what else people wash in their dishwashers with their dishes.
One lady told me that her sons girlfriend’s dad washes his baseball caps with the dishes. Now this is also new to me, surely not, I thought to myself. She said that it’s a common practice amongst Americans, but most wash the baseball caps by themselves, and not with the dishes. I don’t care how you wash them; it’s still gross. I thought dishwashers are for dishes, and washing machines are for clothes. If I eat my meal from my sandals and baseball caps, then I might consider washing them in the dishwasher, but I certainly wouldn’t do that, not anytime soon, not in this lifetime.
I think I must have contracted a disease from ‘ma-noy’ K (‘ma-noy’ means ‘brother’ in his province) from reading his post, ‘Postsecrets: Looks like I’m wearing a panty’. I’m not one to go shopping at the mall but after reading him saying that ‘I think it’s a disease that sometimes I cannot stop spending my money unwisely.’, I’m beginning to see why, and totally agree with him, I might have contracted this disease just by reading, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
I was bored, so I went to the mall during my lunch break, didn’t have anything particular in mind that I need to buy until I saw a Summer Breeze stand; they sell Rainbow Sandals. I remember one of my co-workers told me in the past that I have to get one, because it’s so me. I’ve never seen them before so walked around the stand twice, and stopped at the lady section.
I asked to try them on, a size M in black, and I can’t believe they were too small, I do have long feet for an Asian person, so I asked for a size L (size 7 ½ - 8 ½), which feel somewhat odd because I’ve never buy anything in a size L before. The sales person asked if I want the single stack or double stack, I thought for a moment, since I want to be tall, so I asked for a double stack. They were a bit narrow, but since my feet are thin, they look okay. I decided to make my purchase.
I think it’s fun to read blogger screen names, the reasoning and psychological reasoning that go behind them. Mine is Nye Noona, which was supposed to be a male blogger, a name with a slight attitude, that’s me. Then the latest name that I added to my bloggroll was Dangling Monkey (Amphone), if I have to guess, he is somewhat adventurous, an outdoor person and was born in the year of the monkey, for him to be dangling like a monkey. Then there is Karmadiva, which her anthem for life is “If one speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows one, like a shadow that never leaves”, (from Amphone’s blog,) she believes in Karma and that’s why she’s always trying to be pure in thoughts and actions, very nice gesture I think.
I also read Sao Lao, which is Darly, the owner of Laovoices.com, your average sao lao that loves Tum Buk Houng, oh, she might call it “Tum Maak Houng,” with her soft sweet Lao Northerner accent, the name describes her well. Knoizki, or K Speaking! lives in Hong Kong, someone gave him that name in college and kept it since, I often wonder if there’s any real meaning behind his name, maybe he’ll tell me, if by chance strolls by to read this post. Thesim, I wonder why Sim choose “THE” in front and not just Sim, might sound manlier or something. I read once that his name should have been ‘Simeung’, means color of city but he misspelled it, so got stuck with Simoung, Sim for short, that’s pretty cool, it’s ashamed that he misspelled his name.
I also read Wutthiphan’s blog, he lives in Thailand and recently visited the Southern part of Laos, it was a lot of fun to read, a very good writer but too bad most of you can’t read Thai language, but I’ve been waiting for a long time, still at the 2nd part of his trip…I’m beginning to wonder, what’s happening to the rest of his trip. I think he’s using his real name.
When we’re sleeping, we do all kinds of odd stuff, but if told or confronted, we won’t admit to any of it; who would because we’re not even aware of what we’re doing, if caught on tape or video, we can always deny, that it’s some sort of sound effect or something.
When I was little, my younger sister said that I peed on her during the night. Duh, her pajama pants were wet, not mine but that’s her story, she’s still sticking to it until this day (I’m a dog person, and NO I didn’t pee on her to mark my territory.) Did I give her any reason to believe that I did it? Maybe…but I’m not admitting to any of it, so they say, when I was little I used to sleepwalking, one time in Thailand, I was about 7 years old, my sister took me to a party, ate, drank, the whole nine yards, the next morning I didn’t know what she was talking about, I still won’t admit that I did all that. Another time was when I was living in NYC, everyone were still up watching TV, I walked passing them and went into the hall closet to use the bathroom, my GI Joe sister dragged me out, and then I headed for the kitchen. They thought it was funny and told me about it the next morning, I didn’t know what they were talking about, and still won’t admit that it happened. I didn’t think I was a sleepwalker back then, but if I were, I’ve outgrown that now, I don’t sleepwalking anymore, (yeah, yeah…you might say) hey, it’s my story and I’ll stick to it.
So when we sleep, we might be grinding our teeth, snoring, or sleeping in odd position but who’d want to admit to any of that. I’m not aware that I’m doing any of that, but if told, I’d deny it in a heartbeat; it’s a bit embarrassing. They say that your sleeping position say a lot about you, this is not so bad, ‘How Do You Sleep?’ was once posted at the old Laoplanet.net by Salat. I do have to say that I sleep in a foetus position, but what they say about it, I won’t admit whole-heartily that it’s me. Original source.
Translated Joke from Koosang Koosom Magazine, written in Thai language, translated by Ginger.
A nice couple has been married for 50 years; one morning as they were eating breakfast, the woman said to her husband.
‘Do you remember, 50 years ago we sat and had breakfast together right here?’
‘Of course I remember.’ Her husband answered, ‘someday we even came out here naked eating breakfast, 50 years ago that is.’
‘Oh, honey…’ she started giggling.
‘We need to do that again just for old time sake.’ Suggested her husband.
The two lovebirds went back inside and came out with their birthday suits, wrapped around with the wind and sky.
‘Do you know…’ she started to blush, giggling as she was speaking, ‘and both of my nipples are still hot and tingling just like 50 years ago.’
‘I would imagine dear.’ Her husband said, ‘That’s because one of your nipples is dipping in the coffee cup, and the other one is in the hot rice soup!’ 
I came from a large family; and New York City was our home for many years, and many of my sisters are still living there. One of my sisters, I often referred to her as my third sister, lives in Queens, NY; which to me, housing is a bit of a challenge. She lives in a townhouse and it’s too close for comfort to me; but I do have to admit that it’s a lot nicer than living in high rising apartments. The last time I visited her was September of 2006, and everything looked differently from what I remembered because she renovated her entire house, and redecorated many rooms. She has some reproduction pieces of the 18th century furniture, and her china cabinet is absolute gorgeous, you’d have thought that she would have beautiful china to go with that, but it was for the urns that she has kept her dead cats ashes. I always feel a bit uneasy being there, not so much of scaring of her dead cats, but more so of the living ones. I always thought that she has 9 cats, but not sure of how many she has now, I lost count. But there’s one cat that I’m extremely fearful of, his name is Tiger, and I think it’s a bit of an embarrassment for her to have company over because Tiger would grab people at inappropriate places, I always have to make sure that I’m at a sitting position at all time. I don’t normally sleep at her house when I visit; I often wondered what it’d feel like to sleep in the same house as those dead cats.
I proceed to ask her about that but she said that she’s never heard or dreamed of them coming to visit her, but she did had a scare once, when she bought her carpet that is in her bedroom. It was December of 2004 and Home Depot EXPO Design Center was having an after Christmas sale, so she picked out a Karastan Cambridge Wool Carpet, which looks absolutely beautiful in her bedroom. She brought it home that evening and was very pleased with her purchase because she got such a good deal on it.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , former ly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica .
Castro finally dies at age 112 ; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
My oldest sister emailed this to me; I couldn’t believe it, something to look forward to.
I’ve been having a lot of problem lately on my posts, especially the ones on ghost story. The last post that I did really bother me because after I posted, the title would show up on the recent posts section, but the post was not there. After hitting a refresh bottom several times, it finally showed up, but when going into my dashboard, the number of post was off by 1 post, which no doubt in my mind it was the recent post on the ghost story. Many thoughts came to my mind, it might be time for me to quit writing and translating about ghost story, which is something I truly enjoy writing about, if that’s the case, I might have to quit writing blog all together.
I thought praying to the ghost before writing would take care of my problems, but it didn’t. I try to recall what types of other rituals that people would perform for the ghost. When I was little living in Thailand, if I remembered correctly; people would dance naked to satisfy the ghost if their wishes were granted. The thought of me having to dance naked in front of people is a bit far fetch, I don’t think it would go very well. Another one that Issan people would do is to dance and sing for the ghost. This might not be a bad idea, I might have to do a bit more research on what types of songs, and dances, I’m sure it’s not your average rock-n-roll, or new age music that I often listen to. Then I recalled writing a post on ‘Living for the dead’, which the Thai southerners would perform a Nora Rong Khru Chao Ban Ritual, which Nora is a performance tradition of dance, drama, and ritual for the ghost. I’ve seen this types of dance before and it would be difficult for me to learn. I couldn’t decide on what I want to do, then I thought, maybe I’ll write to the nice people at WordPress and see what they have to say. I told them of my problems, and this was what I got back last night,
This is an interesting article from Koosang Koosom Magazine, written in Thai Language, researched done by Dr. Martini…there are 5 levels of drunkenness.
Level 1: Smart, this is the first level; it seems that you know everything in the universe. Whatever the topic of discussion, you are the expert in those topics, and no one else knows what they are talking about. The facts that others have are incorrect because it’s not the same as what you know.
Level 2: Good Looking, you will discover that you are the best-looking person at the moment. Everyone start to pay more attention to you because you look really good. Of course, you can start a conversation with anyone because at the moment you are good looking and smart.
Level 3: Rich, when you are at this level, you discover that you are the richest person around. You are so rich that you can pick up everyone’s tap at the bar. If anyone said things that you disagree with, you are willing to bet him or her with the monies that you have, which is a lot because you are rich. You are not just rich; you are also smart and really good-looking.
Level 4: Bullet Proof, at the moment you think that you have special power. You would see an elephant the size of an ant, and ready to fight with anyone, because they can’t hurt you. You can bet and pick a fight with anyone because you are not afraid to loose. Why should you? At the moment, you are smart, rich, good looking and have the ability to fight like professional boxer…you are the man.
Level 5: Invisible, this is the top level; you have to be drinking a lot to be at this level. You can do anything that you want because you think that people can’t see you; you are invisible. You can dance on top of a table, drive through a red light, sing in the middle of the busy intersection, pee on the light pole, because no one can see you. You are no longer you.
What about you? When you are drunk, what level are you? Do you know your limit? Please drink responsibly, and don’t drink and drive.
Due to shortage of female in China, a strange thing is happening over there. This is from the old LaoPlanet forum, an interesting article in a Dutch newspaper, and was translated by Nexus on August 30, 2006 in regarding to the shortage of female in China, ‘Since the eighties, a huge surplus of men build up in China and other Asian countries. This is the result of a traditional preference for male offspring and the modern ability to detect the gender of a fetus in an early stage. As a consequence of selective abortion and the neglect of female infants, the natural ratio between boys and girls has been distorted. In parts of China and India the surplus of boys/men has risen to 12 – 15% of the total population.’ You can see where the problem would arise due to this ‘male’ son mentality.
For Chinese people, Chinese New Year is considered their New Year, this coming year falls on February 18, 2007, and it’ll be the year of the golden Pig. Chinese New Year starts with the New Moon on the first day of the new year and ends on the full moon 15 days later, the last day is called the Lantern Festival, which is celebrated at night with lantern displays and children carrying lanterns in a parade. New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are celebrated as a family affair, a time of reunion and thanksgiving. The celebration is traditionally highlighted with a religious ceremony given in honor of Heaven and Earth, the gods of the household and the family ancestors.
This is a true story but a bit off beat, James Howard from England would proudly tell everyone of his little adventure with his two beloved sons. James is 82 years old who lives with his wife Jean who is 79 years old. James has some sort of muscular disease where he can’t stand for a long period and sat mostly on wheel chair, he was only 48 years old when diagnosed with this disease.
Not long ago, the department of social service sent someone to install a chair in his shower where it can be pulled down from the wall for him to sit when he’s in the shower, which he absolutely loves. Now he can sit in his shower without having to rush.
Recent Comments